To the Cute Guy that I tried dating recently,
This one is for you.
I know you are probably wondering why I have been drawn to you for almost two years. The truth is that we share somethings in common like our major and have had a couple of classes together. I was first drawn to you because of your infectious laugh, the bright smile that lit up the small area of a course we had in Spring 2017, the way we communicated with each other, and you knew what I was talking about in the class, and above all your personality.
Recently you said there was no chemistry or spark, but that is based on a month of ten dates and one night together (nothing sexual for those of you reading this). I don’t pick up on cues very quickly these days. It has been about ten years since I have dated someone and felt like I could let them into the inner circle. You were the lucky one to have been let in, and you broke down walls I set up after being with someone for six and a half years and single for three.
The one night you stayed over I worked very early that morning to mid-afternoon. I cooked, cleaned, ran errands, and served us both dinner. I was tired and was thinking about work, that is my fault entirely. As a man on man romance fiction writer, I did not pick up on cues that you were giving. You asked if I had a shower, you probably were wondering if I would take one with you, but I missed that cue. Then you had to ask for a back massage after the shower, but I should have picked up on the signal when you came back into my bedroom. I failed in real life on those cues, the very ones my characters easily follow. That is my fault.
As a romance writer, I tend to write idealized or fantasy based fiction on what I would like to have done to and with my characters, but hardly ever do I allow what I write to come to fruition in the real world. We both know that romance fiction doesn’t work in real life. No one can wholeheartedly fall madly in love with someone in a month, we can try to apply that philosophy to real life, but we will always be disappointed in the outcome because it is idealized romance. You said that romance was missing, so I asked a friend who helps with my meditation and collecting my energy when I am drained. He made me think of something by asking me:
How would you romance yourself?
This question had me perplexed, and I had no idea how to answer it on the spot, but I have thought long and hard about it today.
Here it goes:
If I was to romance myself I would have my date pick me up with a flower (a rose to show they were interested in me and a symbol for romance), open the passenger car door for me, take a long drive to a beach to walk barefoot in the sand as the waves splashed our ankles, visit a beautiful garden, eat dinner at a fancy restaurant overlooking the water, and dance on a pier while the sun sets on the horizon.
If you will allow me to try one more time to romance you and date you I would love for you to accompany me on a trip to San Francisco. To visit Baker Beach to walk barefoot on the beach and have the water splash our ankles, allow me to walk with you through my favorite park in San Francisco that has a beautiful botanical garden, visit Pier 39 for dinner, and walk down the pier to dance while the sunsets behind us. This is only one trip, but there are many more that you and I have planned separately. I would love for you to come with me next summer abroad to see the wonderful world of the Emerald Isle. To eat, dance, and fully immerse ourselves in the life of the Irish. Don’t worry if you cannot river dance or jig. I will teach you.
You want to visit some of the states in the U.S., and I know that I have been cynical about some of the places you want to see, but I wouldn’t mind visiting all 50 with you by my side. I have a few conferences or other scholarly things to do in a few of the states on the east coast and would love for you to experience the autumn on that side of the country. We both know they have beautifully colored autumns there.
I know we barely had time to see each other due to some circumstances with school and work, but I am willing to make as much time for you as possible. I can balance teaching, school work, the gym, and other social engagements while dating you, but you would have to be willing to do the same. We cannot honestly know someone or build chemistry in one month, so I am asking you to please give it two more months allowing me the time to take you places you want to see and picking up on the cues I apparently missed.
I know that this post is exceptionally romantically corny in some ways, but let’s face it I am a romantic person at heart and in real life. Recognizing the fact that you are also a passionate person, I thought that you would find value in a genuine public expression just like the ones in 1980s romance comedies like Pretty in Pink or a more contemporary one like that of Love, Simon.
So, if you read this let me know.
-Kenneth R. Hinton